Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
