I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
