my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why is there bacon in the couch?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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