its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
