I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
