Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
