i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
