Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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