My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
