I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
