my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do herpes really smell.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
