we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
