i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
