She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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