Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
