sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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