note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
