I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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