I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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