Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
