fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
