why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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