After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
