i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
