sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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