Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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