I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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