Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
