I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize