I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
