I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize