somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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