ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize