On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
