Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
