Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize