I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
