Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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