I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
