he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
