I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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