I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
