I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize