You just made me feel so damn special
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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