Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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