Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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