Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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