Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
