you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
