Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
