weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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