Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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