i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
