Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize