I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
