the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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