Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
