just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
