Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
