Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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