so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
