Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
