How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And then he peed in my hair
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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