i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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