why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
