Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
